In a way, I think very few of us can ever truly say that they haven't had to forgo the dignity of our true interests, or passions in the pursuit of making money, which is ultimately what most people consider to be so wrong about prostitution: dignity. In the minds of some the art of making money itself commands respect. Let's face it, if our closest friends and family had sold sex for money then we wouldn't be happy, but if they made loads of money and never told us then we would think they're doing quite well? I mean, I would soon begin to ask where the money is coming from, so they'd have to at least make up a good story.
Money is money. Isn't it?
Anyway, I was writing my piece and I got thinking about how we women are still trashed, regardless of whether we sell our bodies for sex or not. Of course I am not a feminist (not least the type who shave their heads and sit around plotting the destruction of the evil male species) and I am not generalising to all men. But let me share with you a very short encounter I had back in 2008.
I was working for an oil and gas firm in London and became quite good friends with one of the star traders in the company, Alex*. He and I used to go out drinking and he'd often come and ask me for advice with girls. I often thought that he must live such an isolated life devoid of any real contact with women if he felt that his lowly colleague - me - would be able to guide him on his relationships. One day, at a house party, he pulled me aside and told me about this girl Emma* he was going out with and had been dating for a while. Anyway, things, it seems, had started to get a little serious.
"I am pissed off with her right now though" he told me.
"Why?" I said, with a concerned, frowning expression. "What happened?"
"Well I took her out for a meal last night to a very expensive restaurant in Mayfair.
We had a great night, we laughed, we joked. I really like her."
I looked at him bewildered. "Okay, so what was the problem?"
"Well, after" he continued, "I asked her to come home with me for a drink and she said no. She said she was tired."
I waited; clearly my mind was too pure to discern his intentions.
"What's wrong with that?" I asked.
"I took her out, we had an amazing time, but there was no sex at the end of it. I spent 300 quid on dinner for her and she didn't want to fuck me at the end."
"Well I took her out for a meal last night to a very expensive restaurant in Mayfair.
We had a great night, we laughed, we joked. I really like her."
I looked at him bewildered. "Okay, so what was the problem?"
"Well, after" he continued, "I asked her to come home with me for a drink and she said no. She said she was tired."
I waited; clearly my mind was too pure to discern his intentions.
"What's wrong with that?" I asked.
"I took her out, we had an amazing time, but there was no sex at the end of it. I spent 300 quid on dinner for her and she didn't want to fuck me at the end."
Wow. So, clearly it wasn't enough that he was falling in love with the girl (I gathered this from previous conversations). Nope, if he couldn't put his meat her taco then frankly the rest was pointless.
"If I'd known I would have taken her to McDonalds" he finished with and then laughed.
"Alex" I replied "is it not enough you guys seem to be getting on?"
"Of course" he said "but what is the point if we don't have sex?"
Okay, I get it. He was an arsehole.
*Names have been changed.
5 comments:
ugh, what an anecdote. Hopefully he'll learn a few more life lessons and grow wiser and more respectful, and more appreciative of an evening of conversation.
Best of luck with your story about a prostitute. If you get stuck and want a bit of inspiration, I recommend the writings of Kathy Acker--for a few reasons. First she used to be a sex worker and second, she wrote very viscerally, like no other author I've encountered--there's a good sampler/anthology of her work with a forward by Jeanette Winterson. I have a copy which you are welcome to borrow. For the client's point of view, you might have a look at Arnon Grunberg's Blue Mondays, a sad tale of a perpetual purchaser of their services.
Hi Gus.
Yes, I would very much like to borrow that sampler/anthology of Kathy Acker, if you don't mind. It sounds enjoyable.
I will check out Arnon Grunberg too.
Thank you!
Several of my friends dabbled/are in the sex industry (whether it's stripping or prostitution, or the more vague 'escort') and to my knowledge, they have never been forced into it and most are educated, well-bred young women who needed the extra cash flow to support their lifestyles at university.
As for 'Alex' - it's sad but his type is definitely not an uncommon one. The problem is a lot of girls fall into the trap of thinking this way too ('oh, he spent x amount of money and attention on me, I now feel obligated') so the guys think it's alright!
Yes Ysabelle, I think it is becoming a trend for well-bred, young and educated women going into the sex industry. However, I think our society still views the profession as taboo. 'Diary of a Call-Girl'(by my knowledge) was the first mainstream piece of literature to deal with the sex industry as a choice of profession by women amongst Western intelligentsia; but it still hasn't opened society's mind up as to why people choose this route.
There is no doubt that within the sex-industry there exists elements of seediness and all wretched forms of drug abuse, pimp-behaviour etc. but this is, in my view the case with most industries. But it is sad that many people still hold a narrow-minded view that somehow people only turn to sex when they are poor and have little other opportunities. This is why I felt so compelled to write this story; my character is articulate, well-spoken. The prose deals very little with the erotic intricacies of her sexual encounters and more with the fact that she is a slightly more than average girl who most would never suspect as working in that industry. Also, she chooses her clients, she is not desperate.
I'd love to meet someone who actually works or has worked in the industry.
I have tried to not generalise to all men in my anecdote about Alex, but having worked in the City I have to say that there are many, many men like this in business especially. I just remembered this scenario while I was writing because I thought: sometimes, is there any difference between selling your body for sex as a profession and obligating yourself to a man because he has spent lots of money on taking you out? Of course I KNOW what I would do, but you are right. Many women fall into this trap.
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